[gwnn]

One I managed to stop was 'Oh so it was a penalty double!' after e.g. (1H)-2C-(x) and opener becomes declarer and dummy has 4225 or so. I stopped after it became often obvious that it was actually meant as a penalty double.

[Cyberyeti]

gwnn, on 2014-April-04, 06:48, said:

One I managed to stop was 'Oh so it was a penalty double!' after e.g. (1H)-2C-(x) and opener becomes declarer and dummy has 4225 or so. I stopped after it became often obvious that it was actually meant as a penalty double.

This reminds me of an auction where there were hesitations aplenty by the opps as the auction went 1♠-P-1N-X-2♣-X-P-P-P, I had an indifferent 5-4 12 count as opener and was about to wheel in the man and indicated this, partner said that I might wish to see dummy first. He then produced ♣AQJxxxxx.

[Vampyr]

PhilG007, on 2014-April-04, 04:57, said:

You should call the TD and say what happened. Dummy is NOT allowed to play any card without instruction
from declarer...even a singleton. The TD will give a ruling

I usually just ask declarer if he has played. Wasting the director's time on something like this would be pretty silly.

[gwnn]

Vampyr, on 2014-April-04, 07:38, said:

I usually just ask declarer if he has played. Wasting the director's time on something like this would be pretty silly.

I agree, except declarer sometimes has no idea what I mean by my question. Also sometimes when I'm dummy partner/defenders try to gently wake me up if I don't "auto-play my singletons."

[barmar]

Vampyr, on 2014-April-03, 19:39, said:

These are awful. If I ever heard them, it would be a soon-to-be-former partner.

It's just a game, what's wrong with having a little harmless fun?

[barmar]

mycroft, on 2014-April-03, 11:41, said:

Also, with two touching: "Always falsecard from dummy. <higher card>, please". Note: at one point I did that with dummy holding QJ. When the opponents commented on it, I suggested that the other line for the other card was less suitable. They then asked me what that was, and when told, agreed quite strongly that it wasn't suitable.

The "unsuitable" phrase is popular at midnight zips. Drunk players are more forgiving.

[Rain]

I think these are all hilarious and wish I'd thought of saying them.

[barmar]

Rain, on 2014-April-04, 09:12, said:

I think these are all hilarious and wish I'd thought of saying them.

That's because you don't play much f2f bridge. They're funny the first couple of times, but after a few dozen repetitions they're just dumb.

[ArtK78]

Leaving the realm of bridge for a moment (assuming that is allowed), a formal paralegal of mine had a penchant for fracturing cliches. My favorite of all of her fractured cliches was "We will burn that bridge when we come to it!" (I guess I didn't leave the realm of bridge - I used it in her fractured cliche!)

[barmar]

That one isn't original to her. Google it, you'll find that it's a common malaphor (that's the technical term for a fractured metaphor).

[mycroft]

Vampyr, on 2014-April-04, 07:38, said:

I usually just ask declarer if he has played. Wasting the director's time on something like this would be pretty silly.

I tend to SB it - when declarer asks *me* if I'm going to play, they get a "oh, I'm sorry. Did you call for the [card]?"

Either that or when dummy puts down three suits and a turned card (or more commonly, a turned card and *then* three suits), I tell declarer "let me know when you're ready, please."

[aguahombre]

ArtK78, on 2014-April-04, 09:24, said:

Leaving the realm of bridge for a moment (assuming that is allowed), a formal paralegal of mine had a penchant for fracturing cliches. My favorite of all of her fractured cliches was "We will burn that bridge when we come to it!" (I guess I didn't leave the realm of bridge - I used it in her fractured cliche!)

That cliche was not a fractured one during the War Between the States. I refuse to call it the Civil War.

[jade48]

My favorite has always been, "If I had known the finesses would work I would have bid higher."

[gwnn]

I forgot to mention 'ruff-sluff!' when the defence is running their long suit in 3NT.

[dboxley]

My favorite is from a mixed team playing against Steve Robinson and Beth Palmer. Not really a cliche but it was very funny at the time. I was running a long club suit of which Beth had only one. She was having trouble pitching and while sweating over her fourth discard Steve said "No clubs partner?"

[ArtK78]

barmar, on 2014-April-04, 09:40, said:

That one isn't original to her. Google it, you'll find that it's a common malaphor (that's the technical term for a fractured metaphor).

Nice. Apparently the term "malaphor" dates back to only 1976. But it fits nicely.

I still smile every time I hear it.

She had another phrase that she used when she had something additional to tell me before adjorrning whatever we were discussing. Everyone has heard the phrase "Don't go away mad, just go away!" She used to say "Don't go away mad...." And that was the end of it.

[cherdano]

"I have everything I promised." (When putting down dummy after passing throughout.)

[rich23238]

Try these out to get some good eye rolls.

When partner follows suit, and opponents ask what the signal indicates: "Denies a void."

Also, after auction: 1C-P-P-P "May I have a review?"

[ArtK78]

"What was your result on Board 13?"

"We passed it out."

"How did the bidding go?"

[Hanoi5]

When I get to game on my own and dummy comes down with a terrible hand I say: "And you didn't bid six with that?"