Posted 2012-August-24, 07:31
Years ago, I noticed a convention in some book where a 4♦ response to a 1NT opening was an asking bid for HCP strength. The answers were 4♥ = 15, 4♠ = 16, 4NT = 17. So, finding that to be one of the dumbest conventions ever devised, I of course tried it out.
This was a godsend, because it allowed me to attain the unattainable result of -7600. I opened 1NT with 17 HCP, vulnerable. My LHO made an artificial double, showing a one-suited hand. My partner (obviously not right in the head because I talked this person into playing this convention), was not sure that this neat convention was on in competition and whippped out a 4♦ preempt. Of course, this already sounds insane and a lie, because to have this agreement and to have this preempt at the same time is implausible. I have never seen a 4♦ preempt in response to a 1NT opening, in or out of competition. But, this partner of mine was insane. Plus, to have this call made in the context of a possible ambiguity is even more astonishing. And yet, this is what actually happened.
So, following due course, I bid 4NT to show my 17-HCP hand.
Now, it gets more interesting. Finding this agreement in the book to be insane, I also decided to double down and devised the "modified" version. In that approach, 5♦ now, of course, asked for Aces. Partner, who was not sure if I was asking for Aces or suggesting a place to play, with one Ace responded the easy 5♦ to my 4NT call, which was of course asking me for Aces.
I had, of course, two Aces. ("5♥ = 0, 5♠ = 1, 5NT = 2") So, I bid 5NT.
Again, this is a TRUE STORY!!!
Partner now was convinced that I was asking for Kings. Her diamonds being A-K-eighth, she responded dutifully 6♦.
As you may have guessed, 6♦ asked for Kings. And, again, I had two. So, again dutifully, I bid 6NT.
So far, so good. But, partner had a void. So, she decided for the first time in her life (being an incredible passive bidder, notwithstanding the above) to try for a grand slam, bidding 7♦. Back to me.
Knowing that partner was an incredibly passive bidder and that this grand slam bid was the most aggressive call she had ever made in her life, I knew that 7NT would make if she thought that 7♦ was making. So, as this was matchpoints, I bid 7NT.
Two passes were followed with a double. I never play 7NT doubled at matchpoints, so I of course redoubled.
When LHO made the opening lead, I immediately realized what had happened and about died laughing. We clearly were going set a number. But, there was now work to do. I analyzed the lead, reviewed the bidding, counted my winners and losers, and then decided how to play the hand. "A.R.C.H." It seemed possible, but it would take a lot of work. I do not recall the exact layout or line, but I managed a series of jettison plays that facilitated just barely losing all 13 tricks.
So, I ended up with the illusive -7600. Sure -- the line required some heavy work by me to get that -7600, which might to some seem unfair as a statistical matter. However, it is clearly the case that 7NTXX was bid intentionally. My position is that managing to lose all 13 tricks after intentionally reaching 7NTXX is not unfair for statistical purposes but rather an indication of my extreme talent at declaring, as, whatever the position, clearly this would be a goal requiring talent to achieve. So, I maintain that my result was legitimate.
"Gibberish in, gibberish out. A trial judge, three sets of lawyers, and now three appellate judges cannot agree on what this law means. And we ask police officers, prosecutors, defense lawyers, and citizens to enforce or abide by it? The legislature continues to write unreadable statutes. Gibberish should not be enforced as law."
-P.J. Painter.